Sometimes its so hard but Glory be to God

I have neglected to write and so much have been happening in these past few months that i did not even have the zeal to write. Firstly when i came to Christ i never thought this was where my problems will start but the scripture was right when it was said in 2 Timothy " Yea and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution" and also to quote 1 Peter chapter 1 :6,7 " Wherein ye greatly rejoice ,though, now for a season , if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations. That the trial of your faith , being much more precious than gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire ,might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ". And we know Jesus was not exempted from temptations because we know after he was baptized the spirit of the Lord sent him to the wilderness where he was tempted of the devil (Matthew chapter 4), and he overcame through prayer and faith in his Father , and likewise he has made provision for us to overcome as well.


Sometimes it seems as though God is so far from us when we are going through our wilderness experiences because we want help NOW  or we want God to work NOW or we want to cop out but this is what trial produces ... It produces FAITH, LONG-SUFFERING, FAITHFULNESS TO GOD , ENDURANCE, HUMBLENESS.  Trials makes you see how the flesh is so weak , how we sin and fall short , how much we second guess our Lord and we can't go on without him . We will die if we leaned onto our own understanding but sometimes it seems so hard to let God take care of things , because, the flesh in us wants to take care of things on our own in a way that is quicker and indeed selfish . At that point in time we are telling God " umm you are kinda moving to slow and i really need to fix this , so ill help you out ".


And that draws me to another point we are so selfish its always what "I" want , sometimes we are afraid to say "Lord if it is your will , because sometimes his will may not be what you want and so hope to cling unto " . Even within myself i am selfish , i am selfish to God i say "GIMME GIMME GIMME and i give him less than he deserves ,sometimes i don't even want to give him at all. I am selfish in my relationship with my sweetie pie Marc ,sometimes i think how i will benefit not even caring that the other person is not benefiting. 


It so hard when through trials and through this walk with God that he brings our faults to the surface, faults you didn't even know was there lurking behind the scenes , faults people might pick up on and judge you by, faults that separates.. Faults that bring you to your knees and you have nothing else to do but to cry out "LORD PLEASE CHANGE ME " . But if you desire and require of the Lord to change you and you have given up those faults and have repented and have asked the Lord to show you how to be and what to do , then you are no longer governed by your faults, but I don't think we were ever governed by our faults being in Christ Jesus . Most times we condemn ourselves so much and look at ourselves through the eyes of people , so we actually start believing what they say about us . But if we are constantly  having to die to self and  having to renew our mind and our spirit then we are not what they say we are because we all fall short and we are not govern by our mistakes or our pasts we are govern by the Holy Spirit , So it comes down to 'WHOSE REPORT WE WILL BELIEVE MAN OR THE LORDS". Lord i will believe your report help me to stand strong on your word . Amen